Always Mom's Little Boy
by NothingThere2Hurt
Summary: L is troubled by something unsettling inside of him. He feels that it's something that makes him feel secure and safe... something full of love... but his girlfriend doesn't quite fill the gap.


All that could be heard outside was the loud rain and the booms of thunder every few minutes. Lightning illuminated the room through the window, causing L's eyesight to be blinded for a split second from the monitors he was watching. He didn't know why these odd thoughts were coming into his head as nature took it's course, but he did know one thing: when it rains, it pours.

He sighed, popping yet another strawberry into his mouth and he bit down, the pink juice squirting into his mouth, causing his taste buds to heighten. He concentrated hard on the many different monitors that covered the entire building, but mainly Raito's room. He had grown accustom to the squeaking of the bed springs and the moaning of his girlfriend quite quickly.

Dissatisfied with the results he was gaining, he stood up and went to get himself a tray to make some tea on. As he brought his water to a boil, he stared into it. Something didn't feel right. Something felt as if it were missing.. but what? What could it be? He had wealth, he had love... he was leading a perfectly normal life. He seemed so close...

He made his way back into the sitting area where the different controls were set up on a table, monitors strewn in front of him... he was set for the night. Yet, for some odd reason, there was a thought that lingered in the back of his head. What was it?

"Fire" came to his mind. What did fire have to do with anything? He checked around the different monitors to see if intuition was trying to tell him something. All he saw that did anything with fire was Tabitha lighting a cigarette. He sighed again and stared at this monitor for a bit before turning when he saw Matsuda out of the corner of his eye on the monitor three down from 27.

"Gun" popped into his mind just before his eyes reached camera 30. He saw Matsuda showing a gun to Soichiro Yagami and he leaned back. Whatever it was, it was coming quick on his heels, fixing to pull him down if he wasn't cautious...

He pushed whatever it was away from his mind. He hated thinking about things that were not important... this seemed so important, though. It was about someone he knew... someone he loved... someone, who no matter what, always made him feel secure... the name "Shelby" didn't seem to fill the gap enough.

"Mom" ran across his mind and he took in a deep breath fast, unable to release it. He was trapped for a second. The word "Mother" hadn't escaped his mouth in ages. He spit his strawberry out and set his plate down. His stomach felt so uneasy now and he felt as if he were going to pass out... to die...

He was quick to his feet and he dashed off into the bathroom. He stood over the sink and vomited. The pink fluids ran down the sink of the walls very slowly unlike his thoughts. So many memories of his child hood came back... how happy he was... how naive he was that day... how he wishes he could take back all he had said...

He fell against the sink and held himself up with his arms, knees pressed against the cabinets. He looked up at his sleep-deprived eyes and stared. His look reflected so many different emotions and things. He could see his mother's deep stare and fair skin, his father's lanky body and messed up hair... but then it also reflected the very last conversation he had with her...

FLASHBACK

L threw his box of cars down and pointed up at his mother with a weary finger. Tears ran down the dirty 7 year old's face, but he spoke loud and clear.

"I hate you!" He shouted. "I hate you so much! You never let me do anything I want to do! I wish you would just die!" And he stormed out through the back door of the small house. His mother, Alyssa, tossed her dish towel onto the counter and ran after him, stopping at the door.

"Lawrence! Lawrence, wait!" She cried out. She putted her hands on the screen door and looked out as the boy ran out to where he had a hideout like any normal child. Matthew, Lawrence's father, put a hand on Alyssa's should and sighed.

"Don't worry, dear, he'll be back soon enough with an apology." He replied. She looked up at him.

"I hope so..."

Later, after Lawrence had gotten his thoughts together and had formed an apology for his parent, he headed back towards the house. He skipped and walked somewhat at the same time, picking a few flowers here and there for Alyssa. He noticed an unfamiliar car parked in his driveway and he looked at it, soon venturing into the house.

Humming one of his favorite songs that his mother sang to him at night just before he went to sleep, he looked in the kitchen to find no body there.

"Mother?" he called, looking around again and then working his way around. "Mother? Father?"

Eventually, he came to a dead halt in the hallway of his 2nd floor just outside of the doorway to his parent's room. There were three men standing there with guns in their hands, scarves covering their faces. Lawrence stood shocked, dropping his flowers, as he saw his parents, both pairs of hands up, against the wall.

"Now, when I said where's the money, I meant where's the MONEY!" The first guy screamed, firing a shot. Lawrence closed his eyes and wished it all over. He opened one and saw his father still against the wall, but slumped down and crying out in pain. Another shot was fired and he fell to the floor, blood spilling out on to the carpet.

Lawrence gasped and his eyes began to tear up. The three men turned at the same time, followed by his mom. The guy closest to the first man pointed a gun at Lawrence.

"No! Don't hurt him!" Alyssa shrieked, jumping in front of the child. As she did, a third shot was fired and it pierced her chest, sending her flying into Lawrence. She grabbed her chest and laid on her back, the 7 year old scrambling over to her.

"Mom! Mom, get up!" Lawrence commanded, trying to not cry. She opened her eyes some and tried to smile at him.

"Get away, Lawrence." She demanded. "Get as far away as you can get."

"Mom, no... they're leaving."

"Get away, Lawrence... Just go..." She turned her head over some and closed her eyes completely. Lawrence bawled over his mother.

"No, momma! Wake up! Get up, momma! They're leaving now. They'll leave us alone!" He lifted her and hugged her, another poor child let down...

END FLASHBACK

"I didn't even get to say goodbye." He wept, his tears falling down into the sink. He balled his fist up and banged it against the side of the sink. "I told you I hated you and I didn't even get the chance to say that I was sorry and that I didn't mean it."

He looked at his shirt and jeans. If he was so smart, how come he couldn't remember why this was all he would wear up until now? He felt so dumb for even forgetting the ultimate promise he had made himself 12 years ago...

"I swore on your grave that I would wear light clothes because once I shed my blood, I would be able to catch the mistake I had made. So that I could be more perfect and not slip up so much." He recalled aloud. He put his right hand to his face and ran his fingers through his black hair. "How could I have been so stupid?"

A sudden urge to sleep over came him. He looked into the mirror one last time and walked down the hall to his room. He climbed into his bed and relaxed, closing his eyes. Now that a burden of over a decade was lifted off of his chest, he felt that the dream world was purged of all its nightmares and he could finally rest in peace.


End file.
